MacLean, Gerald, editor. The Return of the King : An Anthology of English Poems Commemorating the Restoration of Charles II / edited by Gerald MacLean
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A Psalme122
15 February

   Although this anti-Rump satire anticipates the Restoration only obliquely, and addresses the king not at all, I have included it here since the treatment offered of the events of Saturday 11 February -- the day of the "roasting of the Rump" -- seems sufficiently important to warrant inclusion. Pepys recorded a detailed description of the celebrations following Monk's presentation of his ultimatum to the Rump. Returning home from Cheapside that evening, "it being about 10 a-clock," he noticed

the common joy that was everywhere to be seen! The number of bonefires, there being fourteen between St. Dunstan's and Temple Bar. And at Strand bridge I could at one view tell 31 fires. In King-streete, seven or eight; and all along burining and roasting and drinking for rumps -- there being rumps tied upon sticks and carried up and down. The buchers at the maypole in the Strand rang a peal with their knifes when they were going to sacrifice their rump. On Ludgate-hill there was one turning of the spit, that had a rump tied upon it, and abother basting of it. Indeed, it was past imagination, both the greatness and the suddeness of it.

   But there is nothing in Pepys's account that indicates he thought the spontanious joy in any way anticipated the king's return.

   Thomason dated his copy of this ballad on 15 February.

[122] Wing: P4148. Brs. Copies: O Wood 416(40), ms dated "1659" COPYTEXT; LT 669.f.23(43), ms dated "15 Feb."; CH microfilm of LT copy.

By the PEOPLE, before the
Made in and about the City of
On the 11th. of February.
To the Tune of Up tayles all.

COme lets take the Rump
And wash it at the Pump,
For tis now in a shitten case:
Nay if it hang an Arse
5: Weel pluck it down the stares,
And toast it at Hell for its grease.

Let the Divell be the Cook
And the roast overlook,
And lick his own fingers apace;
10: For that may be borne,
(If he take it not in scorne
To lick such a privy place.)

Though we are bereft
Of our Armes, Spits are left,
15: Whereon the Rump we will roast;
Wee'l prick it in the Tayle
And bast it with a flayl
Till it stink like a Cole-burnt Toast.

It hath laine long in brine,
20: Made by the peoples eyne,
So tis salt though unsavory meat;
Wee'l draw it round about
With Welsh Parsley,123 and no doubt
It will choak Pluto's great Dog to eat.

25: We will not be mockt
This Rump hath been dock't,
And if our skill doth not fail;
To feare it is good,
Or else all the blood
30: In the body, lean out at the Tayl.

Then downe in your Ire
With this Rump to the fire,
Get Harrington's Rota to turne it;124
35: If paper be lack't The Assessment Act 125
You may stick upon't least ye burn it.

But see there my Masters
It rises in blisters
And lookes very big in the matter;
40: Like a roasting Pigs eare
It sings, doe ye heare
'Tis enough come quickly the Platter.

Lay Trenchers and Cloth
And away bring the broth,
45: Did the Divell o'th Fag end make none;
But hold by your leave
Napkins we must have
To wipe our mouthes when we have done.

Come Ladyes pray where?
50: Will you none of our cheare?
Are yee of such a squeamish nature?
Pray what is your reason,
Are Rumps out of season?
But tis an abuse to the Creature.

55: Come wee'l fall on
Pray cut me a bone
The Meat may be healthfull and sound;
Fogh! come let us bury't
To th'hole we must carry't
60: This Rump it stinks above ground.

This fire wee'l stile
The Funerall pile,
The Grave shall be under the Gallowes;
The Vane shall be th'scull,
65: Of some Trayterous Fool,
And the Epitaph shall be as followes.

Underneath these Stones
A Rump-Corporates bones
Are laid full low in a sink,
70: And we doe implore yee
Let them rest, for the more yee
     Doe stir them, the more they will stink.


[123] Welsh Parsley: OED cites Fletcher, The Elder Brother (1625) 1.2. "In tough Welsh Parsley, which in our vulgar tongue, is strong Hempen Halters."

[124] Attempting to provide an alternative to a return of monarchy, James Harrington proposed a Senate comprised of annually rotating members: see The Rota: Or, A Model of a Fress-State or equall Commonwealth (LT E.1013(7), ms. dated "9 Jan."), and The Wayes and Meanes whereby an equal & lasting Commonwealth may be suddenly introduced and perfectly founded with Free Consent of the People of England (LT E.1015(14), ms dated "8 Feb." In the second edition of The Ready and Easy way to Establish a Free Commonwealth, Milton swiftly attacked such proposals for their "inconveniencies [which] cannot but be troublsome and chargeable, both in thir motion and thir session, to the whole land," Complete Prose, ed. Robert W. Ayers and Austin Woolrych, revised edition (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1980), 7: 441.

[125] When first printed, the Assessment Act passed in January ran to over ninety pages: Thomason dated his copy of An act for an Assessment of one hundred thousand Pounds by the moneth upon England, Scotland and Ireland, for six months (Printed by John Streater and John Macock) on 26 January, the same day it was passed; LT E.1074(27). The Act is reprinted in Firth and Rait, Acts and Ordinances, 2: 1355-1403.